// A Gundam Yuletide
Disclaimer: The characters of Gundam Wing are not mine and belong to Bandai Entertainment. They are used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.
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For Edo no Hana. Meta-fic. Spoilers through DVD #8 (ep. 32?). PG-13, ~700 words.
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The space behind Heero was getting very crowded. Heero felt that if Duo breathed down his neck any more, he was going to break Duo's spine. "You can all get your own laptops," he informed Duo, Trowa, and Quatre.
Wu Fei looked up from the other side of the room. He was sitting with perfect posture, reading what looked like an engineering treatise. Heero wished he were reading an engineering treatise. "Fanfic," Wu Fei said contemptuously. "We're not even an obscure fandom, so why do you care?"
Duo stretched indolently. "I'm all for equal-opportunity smut. Although to tell you the truth, Heero, I had no idea you were into that sort of thing."
Heero counted to five. "I am not reading smut," Heero informed him. "It is a common misperception that fanfiction is all about sex."
Quatre looked hypnotized by the different windows that Heero kept switching between. "Heero," he said, "I'm so glad that you're involved with something so shiny! But you type too fast. What exactly are you doing?"
"I have 21 pinch hits to complete in 5 hours," Heero said. "With the help of the story-generating subroutines into which I have fed Wikipedia plot summaries, it should only take me 3.7 hours to complete the stories, assuming no more interference with my concentration."
Completely ignoring the hint, Quatre frowned. "Isn't that cheating?"
"I wrote the subroutines," Heero pointed out, "so it's really the same as if I'd written the actual story myself. Besides, since Wikipedia is an unreliable source of information"--and they all knew how he felt about unreliable sources of information after that incident--"I have to polish the stories anyway."
"Do you have a subroutine for smut?" Duo asked.
Heero turned his head and glowered at Duo.
"Maybe I should take a pinch hit," Duo said. "I'm sure some poor Yuletider would be happy to have a story with a little human touch to it. Besides, how much harder can it be than writing assignments for school?"
"Do you even know any of those fandoms?" Wu Fei said.
"Hey, just because I'm easygoing doesn't mean I'm illiterate," Duo said. "I bet I could write perfectly good RPF."
While Wu Fei and Duo bickered, Quatre leaned against Trowa. Trowa began singing. He had a pleasant if untrained baritone. As distractions went, it was better than the chattering. Then Quatre joined in. He had an even better voice, but there was a spooky quality to the timbre that made Heero wonder what dreams Quatre had at night. Not that he cared.
"What is that?" Duo asked.
"It's our theme song," Wu Fei said. With an air of great reluctance, he sang the first verse: "'Just wild beat communication--'"
"That doesn't even parse," Duo said. "And the bit about 'wet shoulders' sounds like smut."
Wu Fei rolled his eyes and returned his attention to the engineering manual. He didn't see Duo's smirk of triumph.
One of the story subroutines finished early. Heero tightened up the first subplot and explained tersely to his spellchecker that "defenestrate" was in fact a word.
Quatre and Trowa had finished singing. Trowa read under his breath for a few paragraphs, then said, "Are you sure that that's a viable assassination plan?"
Heero said, "Are you familiar with the canon?"
"Well, no--"
"Then trust me on this."
"It can't be any more improbable than giant robots turning people insane, or insane people--" Duo glanced askance at Quatre and shut up very quickly.
Quatre merely looked confused.
Heero uploaded the finished story.
"Your name's in sparkly lights and colors!" Quatre said.
Wu Fei said from his corner, "It's an OLED screen. The pixels emit light no matter what."
"Ignore him," Duo said consolingly. "You should screencap that, Heero!"
"Isn't it unwise to reveal your name online?" Trowa said.
"Have you been looking at these pseudonyms?" Duo said. "No one is going to believe that he's the real Heero Yuy. Or the real other Heero Yuy."
Heero sighed and returned his attention to the remaining 20 instances of the story subroutine. At least they hadn't actually asked why he was participating in this madness. If he had said Wing-Zero had put him up to it, he would never have lived it down.
All right, they were all Gundam pilots and they would probably all have understood. Except Wu Fei. But still.
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